As a devoted supporter of President Donald Trump, you can imagine the joy I felt when I read that The Trump Organization is launching a mobile phone service featuring a classy (fake) gold smartphone.
For far too long, my ability to show support for President Trump and the MAGA movement has been limited to hats, shirts, hoodies, beer koozies, key fobs, glassware, flags, pickleball paddles, footballs, ties, socks, aprons, beach towels, sunglasses, wallets, soft-cover journals, flip-flops, sneakers and tote bags. That has understandably left me feeling incomplete, thinking: “If only I had a Trump phone to complete the look.”
Well, now that problem will be solved for the low, low price of $499 plus a monthly mobile-service charge and, who knows, maybe a recurring donation to a Trump super PAC or something fun like that. (I can afford it because, to honor Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., I’ve stopped taking expensive blood-pressure medication and started drinking raw milk and a potent cocktail of horse dewormer and Brazilian toad urine.)
Eric Trump said in a statement on June 16: “Hard-working Americans deserve a wireless service that’s affordable, reflects their values, and delivers reliable quality they can count on.”
