Behold me, the Ideal MAGA Man – President Donald Trump’s preferred version of an American. I shall become a model member of the society he’s trying to build on the wreckage of the one he’s presently tearing down.
Through his words and actions, and the behavior of those around him, I have sketched this new version of myself, and will endeavor to be all the things He (I should capitalize “He” when referring to Trump, right?) wants us to be.
Fortunately, because I’m white and a man, I have a considerable head start. I would think that’s an unfair advantage, but “caring about others” thinking doesn’t align with the Ideal MAGA Man. So I’ll push that from my mind and focus on how great it is that I’m white and a man while also spending considerable time complaining online about how I’m actually the victim here.
An equally important step toward being the perfect Trump-merican is, of course, obsequiously idolizing God-King President Donald “Amazing” Trump, greatest president of all time (many are saying this), stablest of geniuses, golfer extraordinaire and the only human capable of bringing peace and prosperity not just to the world but to the entire universe.
As Secretary of State Marco Rubio said Tuesday following talks with Russia about ending the war in Ukraine, talks the Ukrainians were not invited to: “The only leader in the world who can make this happen, who can even bring people together to begin to talk about it in a serious way, is President Trump. He’s the only one in the world that can do that right now.”
A REAL AMERICAN has no need for government services
Beyond the pro-level tush-snogging, a Trump-merican man must have his act fully together and never admit otherwise.
That means I have no psychological issues whatsoever, no need for any form of government assistance, no need for an education system to teach my children things, and certainly no reliance on Social Security, Medicare or Medicaid. I couldn’t care less about getting mail or having roads to drive on, because I forge my own path in life and will carry the mail on my broad, manly shoulders and take it where it needs to go, stopping only to laugh at sad liberals and/or migrants in shackles.
I don’t need some “government” – the thing Trump’s amazing and heroic best-at-everything friend Elon Musk is presently ripping apart – to do things for me. I’m fine.
