President Donald Trump became the 47th president of the U.S. Monday afternoon – but not before greeting his wife Melania in a now-viral moment.
The president pouted his lips for a kiss just ahead of his inauguration, then Melania – under a wide-brimmed hat – leaned her cheek just enough toward him to receive an air kiss. Some on social media thought the miss was purposeful; others called it a cute moment for the couple. It also will likely make some people think back to former Vice President Al and Tipper Gore’s three-second smooch back on the 2000 campaign trail.
Do you and your partner ever smooch in public like the Gores, or do you play it more coy like the Trumps? Experts recommend couples talk through their boundaries and honor each other’s love languages when it comes to PDA.
“Some touch may come naturally to one person but not to the other,” Cecille Ahrens, licensed clinical social worker, previously told USA TODAY. “Consent and understanding are key.”
Plus, “you don’t want to give somebody permission to do something you’re going to resent later,” Kathy Nickerson, licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert, also added.
‘Talk about it sensitively’
Couples can bring up the PDA conversation anytime, Nickerson says. But definitely do so before crossing someone’s boundaries. Especially if one partner wants more intense PDA than a hand squeeze or a peck on the cheek.
“Talk about it sensitively and just say, ‘I love you, I’m so happy, we’re together and things are great,’ ” Nickerson says. ” ‘I just would ask that when we’re in public, you avoid putting your hand up my sweater and playing with my bra.’ “
‘Most people stay pretty consistent’
People’s differing takes on PDA might stem from their childhoods.
“People are raised with or without affection, and so depending on how much affection they got, when they were growing up, they’re probably more or less comfortable with it,” Nickerson says. But people also have different preferences for myriad reasons.
“For a person who considers touch and affection as a primary expression of love, they will naturally assume that not getting this from their partner is a negative sign, when in actual fact, their partner may be unaware or baffled by the assumption as they perceive themselves as being loving in other ways,” Ahrens says.
Still, don’t expect people’s love languages to change.
“I would tend to say that most people stay pretty consistent with what they prefer throughout their lifetime,” Nickerson says. “But if somebody goes through some transformative journey, like they have an affair, or they get cancer, or they lose a loved one, their desire for physical comfort and affection might change.”
Couples therapy, too, might shake a relationship up. It “can help heal emotional ruptures between couples and facilitate new ways of relating with each other,” Ahrens says.
